A letter to my yoga students


Dear students who have been graciously attending my classes,

First of all, I want to say that I don’t always think I’m worthy to be your teacher. No, I’m not trying to say that to fish for compliments and for you to respond “NOOOoooooo you’re the BESSTT I sweaaar.” It’s because many of you are far ahead of where I am in my yoga practice, both physically and mentally. It’s my privilege to be your teacher and to learn from you as you practice.

Most of 2014 was AWFUL. I was suicidal at one point. But, the one bright thing that kept me going was yoga and the opportunity to teach. I couldn’t sit there and play my negative thoughts over and over and over again when I got to the front of the yoga room. I couldn’t feel sorry for myself or play the victim or curse myself or feel hopeless when I was teaching. I was in a way, forced to be present. I HAD to snap out of my depressive state to teach. And the thing is, it wasn’t that much of a “fake it to make it” situation. I did have to try to be positive right before teaching, but I was genuinely happy to be in front of you all. The 3x a week that I taught, was therapy. It was a release. It was a time of much-needed mental exercise where I had to be positive, compassionate, and present.

Seeing you all, and your happy faces greeting me, hugging me, reassuring me that I did OK even when I flubbed left vs right were all so hugely helpful. You made me feel like I was worth something when I felt like complete sh-t. You made me feel like there was still good in me and good in the world around. Here is where my writing skills fail me because I can’t even put into words how much all of that means to me. jkhjsadkfkashldckajsdchgawuerggcg!!!!!!!!! <– yep, that’s what I’m able to get out.

I’m sooo sooo sooo grateful, and thankful for you all. You listen to me ramble about chakras, breathing, firming your right foot, etc. THANK you for allowing me to be a part of your life. THANK you for all that you do for me. THANK you for providing me with reassurance, confidence, and most of all love.

I honestly don’t where I would be without you and that is NOT an exaggeration.

It is a true honor to be your teacher. I couldn’t mean that any more if I tried.

Sincerely yours,




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3 Responses

  1. Pingback : Peace Off the Mat Goals for 2016 and beyond - Peace Off the Mat

  2. Eric S

    Hi Aparana,

    This is your new student Eric. Reading your blog I found this disclosure of a tranformative experience you had in your life.

    Grief tends to push us to these sort of experiences. I have had several personal experiences in my life with grief that has pushed my mind to the capacity of understanding. The most recently experience was the loss of a Grandfather like figure in August 2018.

    Thank you for sharing this and always know that we all share similar experiences and thoughts throughout our lives.

    1. fishgoesblub

      Eric! Thank you so much for your lovely comment! Agreed for sure – grief and heartbreak can greatly increase our capacity for understanding and empathy towards others.

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